I intended to write a sad story with a happy ending and good morals too, but writing it as a poem didnt work so well.  If you read it aloud it sounds funny because of the rhyme scheme.  This was not easy to do and is not the best poem I ever wrote, but there was a Christmas story stuck in my head I had to let out.  So here it is.. I don't intend to offend anyone btw! please note my intentions are good and that I wish to inspire hope around Christmastime! :) enjoy!

A miracle happened once.

To a girl named Emma Lee.

Her friend was Hannah Bunce,

Who couldn’t see.

 

Hannah  had cancer,

And the doctors thought it was severe.

The cancer began to advance on her

And they said she only had a year…

 

Christmas was coming nigh,

And Emma wanted to give her friend a gift;

The best she could make or find.

So Emma had to be swift.

 

This might be the last time.

The last Christmas Hannah knows.

Emma would spend her last dime,

as long as her friendship shows.

 

Emma once asked a doctor about it.

What is cancer? What does it do?

Well, he replied, it's when you’re not so fit.

really, it's when some cells overgrew.

 

This is a disease, the doctor said,

where some cells grow and grow.

 they may attack other cells or even spread.

sometimes this happens fast. sometimes slow.

 

Emma remembered what she learned

and it scared her so very much

but Hannah's smile made her less concerned

and in her heart she felt love's touch

 

For Emma knew now Hannah wasn't sad

and although she was sick and blind,

her friend was unbelievably glad.

she still had her heart, her soul, and her mind.

 

She taught Emma what it meant to live

and what it meant to be grateful

that is the present Hannah did give

to her cherished friend, so faithful.

 

Emma visited Hannah every chance she got,

a  loyal friend she'd be through the end.

she soon had an idea, a most wonderful thought

of what to give Hannah, her best friend.

 

That night, on December twenty-third,

Emma stayed at home, spread out on the floor.

She made a Christmas card, and meant every word.

This is what she said; nothing less, nothing more:

 

Dear Hannah, who God sent from above,

I send you my gratitude and my love.

Although blindness makes life hard,

I knew no one else would bother making you a card.

 

So I made a pretty card, and colored it the color of your eyes,

a bright baby blue, like you would see in the skies.

I may not know how to write in Braille,

But nevertheless, I wish you well.

 

Merry Christmas my friend! I wish you the best.

And Happy New Years too!

You make me feel truly blessed.

All I want for Christmas is you.

On the card’s left side she drew

a picture of her and her friend.

It turned out like she wanted it to

and it was finished, ready to send.

 

Emma stood up with the enveloped card in her hand.

She went and placed it on her desk and left it there.

The next day she went to the store as she had planned

And bought Hannah a rose and a teddy bear

 

On that Christmas Eve day it began to snow

just as Emma had left the store.

With the card and other two gifts in tow,

She hurried to Hannah’s and soon knocked on the door.

 

 

 

 

Mrs. Bunce answered and said to come in

Hannah wasn’t feeling so well, she warned

Emma went to her friend

And in her heart she quietly mourned

 

To see her friend in such a state

made her want to cry.

Such an experience she truly did hate,

As for smiling, she would try.

 

Hello Hannah! Feeling any better now?

Hey Emma! I looked forward to your stay.

How long do you think you will be, anyhow?

Most likely the rest of today.

 

My parents know I’m here until nine.

Then I have to be in bed or Santa won’t show

I hope you are feeling quite fine

To receive gifts I bestow.

 

Emma gave Hannah the teddy bear first

and next gave her the rose.

Then she read the card, unrehearsed.

Hannah rested in sweet repose.

 

By reading aloud word for word

and describing the picture she drew,

Emma made Hannah feel reassured

and proved her friendship anew.

 

Time flew by really fast it seemed

But at last Emma had to leave.

Hannah’s face lit up and beamed

As she said goodbye on Christmas Eve

 

They shared one last embrace

as Emma had to depart.

Tears flowed from Emma’s face

and tender compassion filled her heart.

 

After Emma left and went

to her home a mile or so away

she thought of her friend, Heaven-sent

and began to pray:

 

God, please hear my plea!

I pray with all my might.

Please make Hannah cancer-free,

for that is all I ask for tonight.

 

On Christmas day Emma heard the news.

The miracle she had waited for

hadn’t been refused.

Her friend would be sick no more!

 

God took Hannah’s cancer in the night.

Hannah’s mother asked the next day “how do you feel?”

She said she felt alright.

On that Christmas day, surreal.

 

The next few months passed so fast

and Hannah’s case stunned everyone.

Her illness became a part of her past

and it thrilled her it was gone.

 

When Christmastime came once more

Emma and Hannah felt so blest,

as they never felt before.

It was simply the best.

No matter what life may bring,

even when it seems bleak,

be thankful for every good thing,

and let life’s miracles be what you seek.

 

Remember Hannah Bunce and Emma Lee

and know life is too short to waste

or to spend it with too much worry,

in a world that’s so fast-paced.

 

When you open your presents on Christmas day

And share time with those that you love,

Remember this story and the message I convey

Of friendship, thankfulness, and miracles from above.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay this isn't my best poem, but it's one I wrote a while back.. enjoy!


I sat by the piano,

playing in key of E.

When all of a sudden,

I couldn’t see.

 

I tried to listen,

to the melody.

But I refrained, quite disdained

Knowing this couldn’t be.

 

My instrument, my soul

Were all that I had.

Alas, I had turned blind.

Now my soul was sad.

 

Unable to express

My innermost desperation

I mused for a while,

Waiting for inspiration.

 

I hummed a bit,

Feeling that plane of keys.

Then it dawned on me.

I would sense as do bees.

 

Bees rely on touch.

And that is what I’ll do.

I will hum and match,

And I will feel too.

 

I will sense many things to see:

Sounds, keys, the rhythm, and my soul.

I think I will play “Flight of the Bumblebee”.

I will set that as my goal.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thy moonlit face upon my chest

takes away all unhappiness.

How I cannot now remember

a more intimate December.

 

After nightfall, my dearest love,

I hold thee, as I’m thinking of

Heaven’s sweetness and thy fine face,

all of thy beauty and thy grace.

 

Thy skin is as soft as the snow,

cherry blossom pink, it does glow.

In contrast with your raven hair,

thy porcelain skin is so fair

 

Smile for thee, my love, my dear

and remove from my heart all fear

Of what could be and what could come,

to death, let our love not succumb

 

I’d sleep evermore in this dream

of holding you, with love supreme

Remain here in my arms I plea,

and we’ll live for eternity.

 

 Let’s never wake from this state

even as it grows ever late

Let’s pursue this moment so pure,

as I make thee feel most secure.

 

Hold me tight as I pull thee nigh.

Together, we’ll watch the night sky

and see the stars sparkle and shine.

After we watch, thine eyes meet mine.

 

Are those diamonds God’s granted thee?

Thine eyes gleam as bright as can be,

precious as finely polished gold.

I am entranced and I am sold.

 

Thine eyes are reminiscent of

the sunset and heaven above.

Thy lips so tempt and tantalize

more than you’ll ever realize.

 

If my kissing thee were a sin

I’d kiss you again and again!

Thy crimson lips, red as a rose,

free my heart from oppressive woes.

 

Alas, dawn peeks into our room

and spies a future bride and groom.

Newlyweds on a honeymoon,

are we to be so very soon.

 

Saying this, I propose to thee

rejoice in love and marry me!

In holy matrimony blessed

Is where we’ll find true happiness.

 

Upon December dawn we’ll rise

and look into promising skies.

Through the window sunlight makes way,

allowing us another day.

 

Destiny’s work is now fulfilled

as our love remains fixed and sealed.

Dear beloved, who I cherish so,

hold me close and never let go.

 

Immortal devotion for thee

strips away all my vanity.

Seasons shall fade and years shall pass,

but our true love will always last.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 I would like to see Ironman and Pepper Pots in a pairing.. they rock socks.

2-21-08   3:30 PM

I must seem evil, I mean to seem nice, but I just don’t give people the time of day.  For instance, just now, someone came by to see my roommate.  All I said was “well, you can leave him a note” on the note-board on the door.  Then I closed the door without asking about how they were doing, without actually talking to them.  Instead, I just gave the most generic, hospitable-sounding suggestion I could think of.  Whenever I engage socially, it just seems to take so much energy; it is an effort I cannot enjoy the intrinsic beauty of.

I wrote this in March of 2008, regarding a special someone.  She was Carolina's Student Body President, who left life too soon, at a time no one would ever have expected.  She was so close to graduating.  She nevertheless made an impact on many.  She is my greatest influence.

     " I usually don’t like to write, well not frequently as I find it hard to focus.  I just have to write right now.  I cannot believe I got to meet Eve Carson last semester, even if just for once.  I am only a freshman, after all, and there is all the time in the world to talk with, meet with, and just smile at other people. Right?  Not necessarily.  No one knows what the future holds.  I remember one sunny morning I got to eat breakfast at the campus home of Eve along with some of her friends and other guests, including my roommate Michael Betts.  He knew her much better than I, and met her at freshman camp.  He is how I got the privilege of being introduced to and talking with Eve.  She was so very lively, friendly, and hospitable.  I only regret not getting to know her more.  Everyone, in my opinion, should know what a class-act person Eve was and the high-quality caliber of love and sincerity she showed every day.  I will never know someone who ever was a greater Tarheel or a better Carolina girl.  In fact, James Taylor’s song Carolina on my mind and the song Carolina Girl might as well have been written just for Eve.  Everything this university stands for always shined through Eve.  You could tell just by her smile.  She could brighten up the room and any cloudy day.  I know these things because of the consistency of the well-deserved praises of Eve I could hear every day.  She was a doer, a volunteer, a student, a thinker, a teacher, a scholar, a leader, and a friend.  She not only lead and followed, she would just walk beside you.  Eve Carson would be your friend."

Eve, You are the Day!

To the sky we will look !

and remember thee.

whatever gifts we took,

we cherish thankfully.

 

we're glad we could offer

something, anything to you.

yet there's nothing better

than to follow what you do.

 

You brighten the day

with that impressive smile.

you are the dawn, a golden ray,

with compassion stretching beyond a mile.

 

Eve, you are the day!

the day which wont be forgotten,

the day passed but remembered.

Eve, in our hearts you will stay.

Dear Journal today is Sept. 24, 2008.

I don’t usually keep a journal.  It is now or never.  I should start now I guess

As things stand, I can hardly keep a grasp on my school work and I struggle with attendance.

I think the medication I am on is making me sleep too much.  Once you get into a cycle where you sleep a lot, you begin to sleep too much.

I really don’t feel as if I know who to turn to at times.  I feel alien to my family back home and quite frankly, I cannot be frank with them.  If I lie, then so I do out of protection of my own sanity.

I am listening to Pandora radio now.  The song is Pictures of You by The Last Goodnight.  It is 9:05 and I am reading for Social Psychology. Ugh.  Tomorrow I turn in an “application paper” for that class.  Just 2-3 pages, so that is good.  And it is not hard actually.  But I need to catch up on some reading for the class before I start on it.  UGH.  I hate crunching assignments.  Last time I got a 100 on the same type of paper, so hopefully I do the same this time.

 

I’ve considered going on medical withdrawal.  I am going to meet a Dr. Martin to discuss that option on Oct. 3^rd.  What a failure I think I am.  My mom is unemployed, seeking disability for major depressive disorder and my hard working dad is unemployed because his work laid him off.  I can’t believe that.  He gives his life to his work and it regurgitates him I feel.  Hopefully he gets a good job later on.  He has 9 months of unemployment checks at least.  Maybe I should take an Econ course.   Of course, I should not take a weeder class as an elective again, as I did with Chem 101.  UGH. I have yet to take the lab for Bio.  Anyway, with the whole family besides my sister at home potentially until next year would look sad given the circumstances.  I should have taken my parents advice and just taken a semester off to begin with.

 

I cut my knee with a knife last night.  Just to feel control.  I carefully used the end so I wouldn’t go deep.  I couldn’t cut deep.  But I also tried to be quick.  At first I thought nothing happened—that nothing was cut.  Then I saw those stripes.  Beeds of blood stood on my knee.  It’s nothing really.  I’ve gotten bruised on my knees before anyway.  Once I got a bruise on my left knee, falling off a treadmill.   Another time, I got bruised on my right knee from trying to jump over a small ledge.  There was gravel below and I tried my best not to get scraped, but alas I did.

What else to say.  Oh yeah.  Not knowing who to turn to.  But about what?  It seems the least opportune times is when I need someone to talk to the most.  The person should be someone understanding that I can confide in, not to worry the will tell anyone anything with out my prior consent.  This is why I like to have a therapist.  I still associate them with tea cookies.  Is that a real type of cookie?  When I was younger, I saw a therapist because of my aggression I had then.  [Her name was Ms. Wolfe and she let me try one of her "tea cookies".]  Long story short, I was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder.

 

I recently read that in Japan, there is the hikikomori.  They are (mostly male) teenagers who have withdrawn from all social interaction.  Japanese psychologists state that many hikikomori were the victims of severe bullying before their withdrawal.  I think I am a hikikomori.  I have lost many years to this.  Many years of forming lasting friendships with guys my age and developing an acceptable sexual orientation.  UGH.  It would be easier not to have any sort of male attraction problem.  But I have had such.  Like my mom for instance brought me to her friend’s house on her way to work.  Her friend’s son got me to play doctor with him.  I was 6.  When I was about 8, an instance occurred during Vacation Bible School where a different friend of my mom’s was bringing this kid and his sister to VBS.  I said I needed to use the restroom.  Then did he.  When I was done, next thing I knew was he was totally naked, there in the bathroom.  UGH.  I wish my past were better.

 

Back to the present.  I am still on Pandora, listening to “whatever it takes” by lifehouse.  What a great band.  What an appropriate song.  I will do whatever it takes to regain my sanity.

 

I guess I can  be a writer.  I have a lot to write about.  Maybe take some classes in history and art…

I really don’t know what I want to do with my life.  It doesn’t seem very promising is all I can say.

I could write all night, working on an autobiography.  It would be largely an unfinished book, just as my life seems.. incapable of completion.  Yet I have to focus myself and readjust.  Time to accept things as they are and just move on.  I guess I am learning about life the hard way.  Some are simply lucky to know what their resources and options are.  I have many opportunities.  All I have to do is recognize them and act upon them.  I need to just adjust to my medications for now.  Without doing that, I’d really screw up. 

 

 

 

Eve in the Seasons

 

In the spring you are the blossoms which bloom

from every flower and every tree…

 

In the summer you are the sun,

which shines so brightly.

  

In the autumn you are the leaves,

which fall and change  color…

 

 In the winter you are the pure snow, falling freshly from the sky, 

To which birds and spirits soar.

 

Evelyn Marie Carson. She was an inspiration to all who knew her. I forunately got a chance to meet her last fall. I met her through my roommate Michael, who met her the summer before school started. Eve invited people over to her house on that bright warm day. I believe it was a Monday. My roommate and I had to wake up early that day so we could make it to the breakfast, before our classes would start. When I was at her apartment I could feel the positive vibrations emanating from her and where she lived. Her apartment mates, friends, and other guests were very courteous, fun, and kind like her. You could tell she knew how to bring out the best in people.

We had Pancakes covered with strawberries, with whipped cream on top, and smothered with butter. A decadent dish, to say the least. There was sausage, bacon, and eggs as well. The Orange juice was refreshing, but not nearly as refreshing smile of that angelic face. The countenance Eve had was radiant.. full of beauty and life. I remember I knew some people there. Shelley, Hudson, and Jamie were there. They were in an organization on campus I was in called SUDAN. Ann Mills was also there. A bright student and kind soul she is, and a fellow psych major as well. We were all there, having a good time, laughing, carrying conversations amongst ourselves, just letting time pass by before school would begin.

How ironic. little did I know that would be the first and last time I got to see Eve Carson besides here and there on campus. Fortunately, I was merely an aquaintance and so her passing was easier to cope with. But that also caused a great regret of mine. Unfortunately, I was not a good friend of Eve's--one who knew her well. I was shy at the time and always waited for others to approach me. Never would I venture out into society; oh no. Eve taught me a valuable life lesson. Never be afraid to enjoy life and all those in your life. Make friends with those you meet. Be a friend, not merely an aquaintance. Nevertheless, that day will always remain in my memories, locked away safely in my heart and soul. I look forward to when I will get to meet that angel again. One day in Heaven, I hope to behold the magnificent Evelyn Marie Carson in all her splendor.

My  mind is a messed up void

I cant avoid the untold

Blackened, is my heart

Blackened is my soul

My eyes envision no hope

My being cannot cope

Swirling into the pits of oblivion

Is my life, my self, and my origin